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Figuring out your sexual orientation can be confusing, but there's no rush to label yourself. Your sexual identity is personal, and it's okay to explore how you feel. If you suspect you may be gay, examine your thoughts and behaviors to figure out if you're attracted to the same sex. Additionally, consider experimenting with your sexuality. If you identify as gay, be proud of who you are and come out when you feel ready.

1
Count how often you notice people of different genders. When you're out in public, observe who tends to draw your eye. Gay people are more likely to notice people who are the same gender as them, while straight people tend to notice the opposite binary gender more. Alternatively, bisexual people may notice genders depending on any preferences they may have.^[1]
- For example, let's say you're a guy enjoying the day at the beach. If you find yourself checking out the other guys in their swimsuits, you might be gay.
- Keep in mind that you might sometimes notice people for reasons other than being gay. For instance, you might like their outfit.
2
Notice who sexually arouses you. Being gay means that you are only attracted to people who aren't of the opposite gender as you. Look at pictures of people who are commonly viewed as "attractive" and see which gender(s) arouse you. If you're more aroused by people who are the same sex as you, you may be gay. If you find both sexes arousing, you may be bisexual.^[2]
- For example, you might look at pictures of celebrities to see what attracts you. However, keep in mind that thinking someone looks attractive doesn't necessarily mean you'd want to have sex with them.
3
Examine your past crushes to see who you're attracted to. Your crushes can tell you a lot about your sexuality. Think about the people you've "liked" in the past. Notice if you tend to develop crushes on people who are the same sex as you. This could be a sign that you're gay or bisexual.^[3]
- For example, if you're a guy who's crushed on a soccer teammate, a fellow boy scout, and your best guy friend, you might be gay.
- It's normal to have occasional crushes on someone who's the same sex as you, even if you're not gay. However, if you find yourself having same-sex crushes often, you might be gay.
4
Reflect on your past relationships and how they made you feel. You can be gay even if you've had straight relationships in the past. Think about who you dated in the past and how comfortable you felt in the relationship. Ask yourself if you felt attracted to this person and what type of attraction you felt. This can help you figure out if you might be gay or bisexual.^[4]
- For example, let's say you're a guy who's had, several girlfriends. If you felt uncomfortable with physical contact with each girl, you may be gay.
- Keep in mind that you might just not be ready for intimacy or maybe asexual, both of which are okay. You don't have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable.
5
Examine your sexual fantasies to help identify your sexual orientation. Reflect on the type of fantasies you've had in the past. Notice what you were doing and who you tend to think about. If you often fantasize about same-sex relationships, you may be gay or bisexual.^[5]
- As an example, let's say you tend to think about people who are the same sex as you are whenever you masturbate. You may be gay, but you could also be bisexual if you sometimes think about the opposite sex.
- Think about who you identify with most during romantic or sex scenes in movies or TV. For instance, if you're a girl who identifies with the guy character because you want to kiss the girl, you may be a lesbian.
6
Don't assume you're gay based on how you walk, talk, or dress. You've probably heard stereotypes about what makes someone gay, but none of these are true. Your sexual orientation has nothing to do with your style, appearance, or how you speak. Similarly, walking or dancing a certain way doesn't make you gay. Ignore these stereotypes when figuring out your sexual orientation.^[6]
- For instance, having a high-pitched voice as a guy doesn't make you gay. Similarly, preferring short hair as a girl doesn't make you a lesbian.

1
Flirt with someone who's the same sex as you to see if it feels right. Start by giving a compliment to someone you think is attractive. If they seem comfortable with it, playfully touch their arm or shoulder. See how it makes you feel.^[7]
- You might say, "That color looks amazing on you."
- If you enjoy flirting with the same sex, you might be gay or bisexual.
- If you feel like it's boring or awkward, you may be straight.
2
Kiss or hold hands with someone who's the same sex if you want. Physical intimacy like kissing or holding hands will help you figure out if you might enjoy being with someone who's the same sex as you. Take things slow and start by holding hands with them. Then, consider kissing them if you both seem to be comfortable with it.^[8]
- Keep in mind that kissing and touching a person who's the same sex as you doesn't automatically mean you're gay.
- Don't do anything that feels uncomfortable to you. If you get uncomfortable, excuse yourself. Say, "I need to refresh my drink," or "I'm going to go find a snack."
3
Use protection if you decide to go all the way with someone. If you want to be sexually intimate with someone, use a condom or dental dam to protect both of you from sexually transmitted infections (STIs). You are still at risk even if you're having a same-sex relationship.^[9]
- Only have sex with someone if it's really what you want. Don't be afraid to take things slow.
- Keep in mind that even if you have a sexual experience with someone of the same sex or gender, that doesn't necessarily mean that you're gay. Likewise, having sex with someone of the opposite sex or gender doesn't have to mean that you're straight.
4
View your sexual identity as something that's fluid. Things would be so simple if you could just label yourself as gay and be done with it, but it may not be that easy. It's normal for you to have questions and change your mind sometimes. Listen to how you feel and respect your personal preferences at the moment.^[10]
- For instance, you might feel like you're gay but still aren't sure. That's okay. When you're ready, you can decide what label feels right to you.

1
Celebrate your sexual identity as part of who you are. Embracing who you are is something to celebrate, so be proud of yourself. Recognize that you are perfect the way you are and permit yourself to be you.^[11]
- If you're not ready to tell everyone that you're gay, that's okay! This doesn't mean you aren't proud. It's normal to be nervous, so take your time and come out when you feel it's the right time.^[12]
2
Label your sexual identity when - if ever - you feel ready. Take your time to figure out your sexual orientation. It's okay if it takes you a while and if you change your mind. It's normal to experiment and question your sexual orientation. When you feel ready, decide on which label you want to use for yourself.^[13]
- For instance, you might think you're bisexual because you've dated both same-sex and opposite-sex partners. However, you might later realize you're gay. It's okay to change your mind and re-label yourself as gay.
3
Come out on your terms. There's no right or wrong way to come out. Your sexual identity is personal, so you don't owe anyone an explanation. At the same time, being out and proud may help you feel like you're being true to yourself. When you're ready, tell someone you trust about your sexual orientation, like a family member, friend, or teacher. Then, slowly tell the other people who are important to you.^[14] ^[15]
- For instance, you might start with your best friend. Tell them, "Have you ever noticed that I always notice hot guys? That's because I'm gay."
- When you tell your parents, it might help to bring educational resources for parents who have gay children. Say, "I love you, so I want to share something important with you. I'm gay, and I'm proud of it. Since I realized this, I'm feeling really happy and excited about falling in love. I hope you can understand and support me."
- Don't feel like you have to take things slow if you're ready to come out. If you want people to know your sexual identity, go ahead and tell them.
- If you're questioning your sexual identity, seek out people you know will be supportive. That might be a friend, a teacher, a leader in your community, or mental health professional. If you live in an area where you don't feel you'd have a lot of support, look for online resources, support groups, and forums that could help you.
- Coming out is a lifelong journey, not something you do just once.^[16]
4
Consider if you're bisexual if you're attracted to both sexes. Being bisexual means you're attracted to either sex. This can feel confusing at first because you might suspect that you're gay but then have a crush on someone who's the opposite sex. It's okay to be bisexual, so permit yourself to explore this possibility.^[17]
- Being bisexual doesn't mean you're attracted to everyone. It just means that you may be attracted to people of either sex.
- Similarly, being bisexual doesn't mean that you have to switch back-and-forth between the sexes.
- Some people say that bisexual people are "confused" or "going through a phase," but this couldn't be further from the truth.^[18]
5
Reach out to a counselor if you're struggling emotionally. It's normal to have conflicted emotions when you're exploring your sexual identity. But if you're overwhelmed by feelings of guilt, sadness, or anxiety, or if you aren't getting the support you need from your family members or community, some people can help.^[19] Ask your doctor to recommend a counselor. Or, if you're a student, find out if your school offers counseling services.
- You can also find support groups online or call a crisis line that's dedicated to LGBTQ issues. For example, young people living in the U.S. can call the Trevor Project 24/7 at 1-866-488-7386.^[20]

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Take all the time you need to decide if you're gay. Try dating different people to see what feels right to you.
Keep in mind that your sexual orientation is different from your gender identity. That means, for example, that you can be transgender but also straight (for instance, you might identify as a woman and feel attracted to men) or gay (e.g., if you identify as a woman and are attracted to other women). You can also be both transgender and bisexual.^[21]
Being gay is part of who you are, and there's nothing wrong with it. Some people might not understand your sexual orientation, but you are perfect the way you are.^[22]
You don't need to be sexually active to be gay. It's solely based on your sexual orientation.^[23]
You also don't need to engage in specific types of sexual activities if you don't want to. For example, not all gay men choose to have anal sex. Look for ways to get intimate with your partner that both of you are comfortable with.^[24]

Practice safe sex at all times. Keep in mind that same-sex sexual activities can lead to sexually transmitted infections (STIs) just like opposite-sex encounters can.

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If you're not sure how to know if you are gay, think about any past romantic experiences you have had. If you have had only had crushes on people of a different gender, you are probably straight. If you have had romantic experiences or fantasies involving people who are the same gender as you, then there is a good chance you are gay or bisexual, but it's okay if you're a little confused. Also, if you don't want to, you don't have to label yourself at all. You like who you like, and you can leave it at that. It may help to think of loving people, rather than their gender. To learn more about how to be comfortable with your sexuality, keep reading!

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